I am so excited for this week because I have lots of fun stuff in store for you. I put out a question this week on my social media asking what you guys want to hear about on the podcast. Jump over to my Facebook page at Peggy Moore Life Coaching and let me know what you guys would like to learn about.
I was so excited when my sister in law responded with the words self-worth. First let me tell you a little bit about my sister n law, Suzie. She is amazing. I have 3 sisters-in-law and they are all amazing and when they put a topic, I will tell you all about them, But today I want to just tell you a little bit about Suzi. There is just something about Suzie that just makes me feel so loved and accepted for who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be smart and debate crazy political topics or have in-depth spiritual discussions. I don’t have to worry that she is going to say something because I am a few pounds overweight and I don’t have to prove that I am a good mother or a good wife or even a good person. She just loves me for who I am and I love that about her. I think she is amazing.
So let's talk about self-worth.
This is such a great topic as I think many of us struggle with understanding our own self-worth.
One of my favorite pictures is my house. It is one of an old violin with a poem that I love. You may or may not have heard it before, but it is one of my favorites.
The violin’s worth did not change. Others just failed to see it’s worth it because it was not what they thought it should be. How often do we fail to see our worth, because we are not seeing what we thought we should see.
Our life doesn’t look the way we want it to. Or we are not at the weight we think we should be, or we attach our self worth to our bank account, or ability to have things or achieve something, or our productivity. How often do we compare our weakness with other’s strengths, feeling like we always come up short?
I am here to tell you that none of those things affect your self-worth. None of those things affect your worth as a human being.
Let’s talk about Self worth, Self-esteem, and self-confidence.
What is Self-worth? Having a sense of self-worth means that you value yourself.
Self-worth is defined by Merriam-Webster as: “a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect”.
Many people think self-worth is much like self-esteem.
The definition of self-esteem is “thinking well of oneself;“
Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘you are greater than all of those things.’ It is knowing that You are of value. You are loveable, You are necessary to this life. You have a purpose and plan and that you are living that purpose and plan.
Self-worth means you are invaluable for who you are. It does matter if you are smart, or spiritual, or overweight or a perfect mother or a perfect wife. Your value does not change.
I think sometimes we also get self-confidence confused with self-worth. Self-confidence is not an overall evaluation of yourself, but a feeling of confidence and competence in more specific areas. For example, you could have a high amount of self-worth but low self-confidence when it comes to extreme sports, certain subjects in school, or your ability to speak a new language
It’s not necessary to have a high sense of self-confidence in every area of your life; there are naturally some things that you will simply not be very good at, and other areas in which you will excel. The important thing is to have self-confidence in the activities in your life that matter to you and a high sense of self-worth overall.
Self-worth is at the core of our very selves—our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intimately tied into how we view our worthiness and value as human beings.
In psychology, there is a Self-Worth Theory
The self-worth theory proposes that an individual’s main priority in life is to find self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is learning to know yourself and love yourself and recognize your own infinite worth. This may take some time for those struggling. We have to take the time to really get to know ourselves. We have to listen. Helen Brenner says. We have to be reflective.
Being reflective means listening to your inner self with new ears. The truth is, we think we’ve heard our own story so much that we stop listening to it! We become like the people in our lives who we complain don’t listen to us. With reflection, we listen freshly to ourselves, the way we would like to be listened to.
How many times do we let our inner critic or the outside voices of others trick us into thinking we are not of great worth. All the influences of the world, the media, friends, relatives trying to tell us what we should be and how we should be in order to earn their acceptance. When what we really need to do is just learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are. For our own unique gifts and talents.
Listening to the outside voices and influences sounds like getting lost in chasing money, status, and popularity, all those things that are highly valued by those around us and by society in general—but we need to make an effort to take a step back and think about what truly matters to our own individual thoughts on self-worth.
We need to work on identifying, challenging, and externalizing our critical inner voice. We all have an inner critic that loves to nitpick and point out our flaws. It’s natural to let this inner critic get the best of us sometimes, but if we let her win too often she starts to think that she’s right!
Whenever you notice your inner critic starts to nag you with the criticisms, make her pause for a moment. Ask yourself whether she has any basis in fact, whether she’s being kind or not, and whether what she’s telling you is something you need to know. If none of those things are true, feel free to tell her to get out! Challenge her on the things she whispers in your ear and remind her that no matter what you do or don’t do, you are worthy and valuable all the same.
Believing that you are good enough.
By understanding our own value, we are able to add value to our family members and friends. You can’t share your light and love with others if your candle and heart is burnt out.
But you have to know your self-worth, to untangle your soul, your story, your gifts, your people, your place, and your passions, as you begin to weave your specific talents and strengths into purposes that you haven’t been brave enough to imagine yet.
Brene Brown said, “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”
When the Jews faced extermination in Persia, the new Persian queen, Esther, who was of Jewish descent, was reminded by her cousin Mordecai: “Who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). So might each of you be asked, “Who knoweth whether thou art come to [your particular place and circumstances with your unique blend of talents] for such a time as this?”
You are in your particular place with your particular talents and strengths for a reason. You may not know what that reason is, we all can’t save a Kingdom like Esther, but we can make a difference by recognizing our own unique gifts and sharing them with others.
What are the things that keep us from sharing our life and being firm in our own abilities and self-worth?
I think the number one thing in the comparison. Comparison is the thief of joy. We simply can’t compare ourselves to others. Competing with our brothers, sisters, roommates, friends, or people with whom we work and go to school. Sometimes we even seem to be in competition with our husbands or wives. We seem to be continually grading ourselves on some imagined scorecard, trying to see who gets the A. When we need to realize that life is not graded on a letter scale.
Whatever we are doing, wherever we see ourselves on the scale of life, we need to put aside the world’s preconceived notions of what we should look like, what our life should entail, what accomplishments we should have, and remember that life is not graded on a letter scale.
We simply can not compare ourselves to others. When someone else does something well or owns something we do not have, why do we immediately knock ourselves down a rung or two? Appreciating the abilities and resources of others should lift us, not diminish us in any way. Every time we see or hear something of merit, we should be better because of it. It is supposed to be that way right because each of us has been given different gifts, unique abilities, and varying insights.
We cannot have every talent and every virtue. The only way we can experience all that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy is to enjoy at least some of it vicariously. We may not be able to sing like Alicia Keys or Adam Levine or throw a football like Joe Montana or Drew Brees or have the business mind of Steve Jobs, but we can come closer to appreciating those talents if we spend our time in joyful observation rather than in degrading envy. If we are troubled by the inadequacies of our home when we visit our neighbor, then we have rejected their gift of hospitality. If we belittle ourselves when we study with a brilliant friend, we close our minds to at least part of what we could be taught. Being able to appreciate and encourage the gifts of others may well be the greatest gift of all.
I think the opposite of this also holds true. The constant comparison of ourselves to others can sometimes encourage us to justify our actions, feeling that those around us are doing no better than we are. In this situation, we choose to make comparisons only with those who make us feel good about ourselves when we are not doing our best. When we do that, we are forgetting once again that God does not grade on a curve. We are required to do the best we can with what we have.
Another way I see women diminish their self worth is attaching their self worth to their physical appearance.
#1 We attach our self worth to our physical appearance. We all need to stop attaching our self-worth to our physical appearance. Often in society, we are taught that who we are is what we look like. Self-worth is so much more than appearance, it is your values, your humor, your compassion, and your talents. You are your heart and your love for others.
I was listening to a podcast last week and she talked about how life is a classroom full of lessons to learn and challenges to overcome and opportunities for failure and for success. Just think of your specific body as just a classroom experience. It may be teaching you humility, kindness, and compassion. It may be teaching you to stop judging books by the cover. I can’t say which lesson your body is meant to teach you, because that is only for you to find out. It’s your lesson. all people have the same value. We are all unique, irreplaceable, divine spirits with the exact same infinite value as everyone else.
So, what can we do to help recognize our self-worth and increase our self-esteem and confidence?
about who you want to be and how you want to show up in this world. Self-awareness is critical to your self-esteem. Many struggles with self-esteem when we don’t really know who we are and what we stand for. What do you stand for? What are your core values and beliefs? What are the things most important to you?
I think this so important to do many times throughout your life. We change as we learn and grow and overcome challenges. Our perspective changes as our visions expand and our knowledge increases. It is nice to sit down with a pen and paper and think about who you are and who you want to be.
Accept the imperfectly perfect you for all that you are and all that you have to offer the world. Regardless of what other people may have told you, no matter the mistakes you feel you have made, the challenges you have faced.
We all want to be accepted for who we are, but first, we must accept ourselves for who we are.
Be as loving and compassionate yourself as you are with others.
Stop compromising yourself.
I think it is important to always remember you can’t pour from an empty cup. Putting everyone else needs before your own or compromising your wants, needs, and opinions because you want to avoid confrontation harms your soul. I am not saying you have to argue with everyone that has a different opinion than you, you can love them, appreciate that they are doing the best they can with what they have, yet still set boundaries for yourself.
Compromising yourself to fit in and to be loved or acknowledged will leave you never feeling satisfied.
IN the book the Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin creates twelve personal commandments for herself on how she wants her life to be. This may be a fun challenge for you to think about.
Her first commandment is the best - BE Gretchin. Figuring out who you are and who you want to be and then being true to yourself. Be YOU, because no one else can be YOU.
As you take the time to journal, decide what is important to you. Naming these things and getting them on paper will give you an inner compass to guide you. Identify your boundaries and the non-negotiables in your life. What are you not willing to compromise on anymore?
And then look for the good. Remember our eyes see what our mind tells it too. We look for what we focus on. Write down your most loveable traits. Write down the things you love most about yourself. And just focus on doing more of that. We don't have to be good at everything, but we can be good at being yourself.
Remember the violin’s worth did not change. Others just failed to see it’s worth it because it was not what they thought it should be. Your worth as a human and as a person is invaluable. There is only one You. Learn to accept yourself for who you are
Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Accept yourself for all your perfect imperfections, know who you are and how you want to show up in this world and then own it. Be true to you and look for the good.
Thank you guys so much for listening. Please leave me a thought or a topic that you would like to hear about.
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Until we meet again, my friend,