Hello my friends, It is July 29, 2020. My birthday is tomorrow. Whohoo! I love birthday time, it is a fun time to reflect and look at my past year and what I have accomplished and what I want to accomplish in this next year. Pretty exciting. I also just got done with my first ever FB Live. I am part of an entrepreneurial group and we do challenges or little workshops for each other. I did this one on personality types and it was such fun. Maybe, I’ll put it up on the website for you guys to check out if you want.
I want to give a shout out to my friend New York Nanny who wrote “so sick of Covid restrictions. Peggy’s thoughts on resiliency are just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much for leaving a review on iTunes. I am so glad I was able to provide content for you that was valuable.
Today we are talking about beliefs. Beliefs are the foundations for our thoughts.
Beliefs create maps that guide us towards our goals and give us the power to take action. Your beliefs are the master commanders of your behavior and your results. Beliefs control our bodies and how we respond to crises, criticism, and opportunities. They tell us what to notice, what to focus on, what it means, and what to do about it. Beliefs create our thoughts. Our thoughts create feelings which drive our behavior
❓Where do we get our beliefs
Our beliefs come from the environment, our experiences, and the meaning we give to experiences and the environment.
When we are young we are like a sponge, soaking in opinions, knowledge, biases, values, and beliefs. We are taught how to behave in different circumstances by our parent’s reinforcement whether positive or negative about that behavior. We are taught relationships as we watch our parents interact with each other and the sales clerk at Walmart and the pastor at our church and our teacher at our school. We learn everything from health, sex, our bodies, religion, beauty, power, and the world from those closest to us.
We learn who we are by seeing ourselves in through the eyes of those who cared for us and developed us when we were young. Through conversations and interactions with family and friends, you learned how to speak, how to act, how to react. The proper way to fight in an argument, the proper way to stand up for yourself, or not, the kind of career you should choose, the amount or kind of education that would be considered appropriate,
We were told that our behavior was good or bad according to the norms, culture, and beliefs of our families, friends, and neighbors.
We also learn our beliefs from Events and experiences that impact our lives causing us to form beliefs, often unconsciously but these events and experiences affect our entire worldview. And then subsequent experiences helps us to reinforce and cement those beliefs
Our brain then starts to search for evidence. Our eye sees what our mind tells it to. We begin to see evidence all around us that reinforces our belief. This is called confirmation bias. Confirmation bias means we look for and find evidence to support our beliefs.
We also create beliefs from our past achievements and failures. We may develop beliefs about what we are good at and what we are not good at from things we tried when we were young
Dr. Shad Helmstetter calls it Chameleon training
Chameleon training is learning to blend in, to accommodate, to tune into what everyone else thinks and wants, and tune out what you really think or want. Chameleon training can teach us to be nice, conform, belong, and hide our light so others can shine,
We learn that parts of us are “good” and parts of us are “bad” and we are taught to discipline ourselves to pay attention to only the good and ignore, deny or imprison the bad. But the more you try to shut out parts of your inner self as “unacceptable” the more conflicted and fragmented we can become.
Sometimes we can lose ourselves in our connections or relationships so that we no longer see ourselves in the mirror but the person we are supposed to be.
The media also helps us form our beliefs. Television programs are designed to intentionally wire our brains to respond to their messages. They show us that we should be superhuman, managing our family, career careers all while keeping our kids on time, on track, well-fed, and well adjusted. We are expected to have a great marriage, great sex, maintain a gorgeous home, be responsible for aging parents all while fitting into a size eight or smaller. We are supposed to find time to exercise, manage our retirement funds. Care about the world. Be active in the community. And—in our free time, of course—relax and have fun!
And on top of all this, we’re supposed to manage our feelings, never break down, never take things personally, never feel just plain rotten or complain that it’s all too much. And if somehow you drop the ball in any one of these areas, you can end up feeling defective, like you need to work on yourself to make yourself better. It’s a recipe for forgetting yourself.
And social medial. New studies have found that social media can affect the brain in unexpected ways like making you spend more money and eat more. Too much social media has shown to alter the brain’s reward center increasing the risk of addiction. Studies have also found that social media may interfere with one’s ability to think independently. Social media encourages groups of people to connect with each other that have similar ideas and beliefs and provide opportunities for discussion, this no necessarily a bad thing, but you have to be able to look at information objectively and make decisions on your own.
And then we have all heard about the Fear of Missing Out or FOMO, a real concern and belief that can be embedded in one’s core due to too many Social media stories of “everyone else having fun. This can have a negative effect on self-esteem which is one’s belief’s about themselves.
The chatter in our head
Deep inside the inner part of our primitive brain is the habits, beliefs, and thoughts of how we always do things. There is an underlying layer of brain activity that can be liked to “mental noise” This brain noise or chatter often tells us we can’t do something, it is that part of our brain trying to keep us safe, trying to keep us from working harder to overcome obstacles that may be put in our path.
This noise may present itself at inopportune times such as when you are trying to go to sleep at night. My head hits the pillow and my brain turns the volume on high, trying to figure out all the problems of the universe. Or when we try to meditate or sit in stillness. When you listen, feel, and experience this mental noise, you are delving into the storage and processing centers of your brain.
Unless we choose to make mindful decisions, our daily choices and actions will be on autopilot just living life according to the whims and dictates of our primitive brain trying to keep us safe and always taking the well-worn pathways in our brain. Because this is the way we have always done it. When we start to listen and start to choose the thoughts, beliefs, and pathways we want for our life, I like to call it Cleaning out the chatter.
As we clean out the chatter we, listen and start to make conscious choices about how we want to think and believe and feel and behave in our life. As we learn to get back to our own inner voice and our personal core beliefs and values, we learn to hold space for them.
Paying attention to our thoughts and emotions takes a little practice when you have been going on autopilot for a long time. This is where meditation is helpful. I love how in Glennon Doyle’s book Untamed she talks about going into her closet to be alone with her thoughts and figure things out. She says it was hard at first. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts. She says each ten-minute session felt ten hours long. I checked my phone every few moments, planned my grocery lists, and mentally redecorated my living room. The only things I seemed to know on that floor were that I was hungry and itchy and suddenly desperate to fold laundry and reorganize my pantry. I was tempted to quit every second. But as her practice continued she said she The knowing feels like warm liquid gold filling my veins and solidifying just enough to make me feel steady and certain.
Your brain likes to keep believing what it has always believed even sometimes when there is evidence to the contrary. But this is what we have always believed. Oftentimes we just accept that belief as being valid.
Beliefs are a choice and Why should we investigate our beliefs
When we finally stop listening and be curious, we may feel a little disoriented. When we are so busy and have for so long-lived on autopilot to stop and listen to our own thoughts and beliefs may feel scary and unpredictable.
We have literally thousands of internal feedback systems in our bodies. When we lose our connection to hear our own inner voice, those internal messages get blocked
As we begin to listen to our inner voice again, we build neural pathways that allow us to more easily reconnect. Did you know you get to choose your beliefs and You get to decide what your past experiences and events mean to you? You get to decide what your current life means to you. You get to decide what your future life means to you.
Our beliefs are just thoughts that we choose to be true. Managing your mind means you get to decide what to think and what to feel because you have the authority over your own life. You get to be in charge of you.
A belief is nothing more than a thought that you decided was significant and true. A belief is a thought we have without question.
Beliefs are simply thoughts that you repeatedly think about. This thought then becomes embedded in your subconscious and you begin to hold it as absolute truth.
An example of this is when we say “that is just how I am” without any thought, logical sequence, or reason for that belief. Studies say that core beliefs control 90% of the actions and reactions we demonstrate every day.
Our beliefs create our thoughts which drive the decisions we make every day.
We can choose to believe anything we want. The best thing about life is that we get to choose what we want to believe and whatever we want that belief to mean.
🛑✋Stop and take time to think about what you believe. What you believe about yourself, your life, your relationships, your career,
The key to becoming free is to stop and take notice of which beliefs are creating hurt or misery for you. And which beliefs are serving you well. Which beliefs coincide with your core values, the way you want to show up in life. Your authentic self. Our goal is to bolster the beliefs that serve us best and eliminate those that don’t
In my coaching program, I tell clients to play detective and be curious. Use your prefrontal cortex or executive functioning part of your brain to ask yourself questions, notice your knee jerk reactions to things, notice negative thought patterns, notice your thoughts.
Stop and think about your thinking.
Take a look at your beliefs, write them down, I also tell my clients, your journal can be your best friend. You can’t argue in your mind when your mind is the problem. Get it on paper and you can look at things more objectively. Write down your thoughts and determine what belief that thought is coming from and then you decide what you want to believe on purpose. What beliefs will create the life you want to live. Beliefs create behaviors
Every belief has a consequence. Your beliefs can either heal you or harm you. Belief becomes the source of your limitation or your liberation. Our beliefs create our thoughts which create our emotions and feelings and drive our behavior which gives us our results
We need to take the opportunity to find the core beliefs that make us feel stuck, overwhelmed, not good enough, and not of value and we need to change them.
I'm going to tell you guys a little 🤪secret. I just did a coaching session recently that helped me discover a core belief that I have had all my life. I am 51 years old and didn’t realize that this was a core belief of mine till we drilled it down. I am a perfectionist, I am a super hard worker and I am super critical of myself. I have taken things down several levels because I am more comfortable with who I am now, but I still have that nagging urge to do more, to push more. If I get 97% on a paper, I complain to my husband, about not getting a 100. Crazy right. Well in my coaching session we drilled it down to a core belief that I am “not smart.” I was told quite often when I was younger that I was not smart. I didn’t do well in High school for lots of reasons, one that I was a teenager and just didn’t care. I have always got A’s and Bs in college, but I had to work hard to get those grades and my core belief was that smart people don’t have to work hard, they are just smart. Once I was able to say this core belief out loud and really look at this core belief, I was able to say that is ridiculous. Everyone has to work hard. I am smart. What a better, more powerful core belief to have.
Challenge your core beliefs, keep asking yourself, why do you think that and why do you think that and drill it down and I bet you will get to a core belief that you have had since childhood. And that core belief may not be serving you well.
Use your new core belief to create the life you want. Your brain will want to go back to default mode, that is easier. Keep reminding yourself of your new core belief.
Envision your new belief.
Did you know that your imagined experiences of the future also influence your beliefs?
The brain is like a muscle. It keeps getting stronger with use. Changing your neural pathways requires effort, focus, repetition, and dedication. Say that new core belief over and over again. You have to build a new pathway that is going to take a little work. But think of how great your life is going to be with a new positive core belief.
The Dalai Lama was interested in what neuroscience could reveal about the brains of people who spend years cultivating well being and positivity.
Buddhist monks, studied by neuroscientists have shown that you can literally change your body chemistry with dedicated forms of meditation and thinking positive thoughts. Meditation causes an increase in the growth of new neurons and neural connections in the brain. These studies demonstrated that meditation on positivity and wellbeing not only increases the happy chemicals in your brain but also makes you healthier and enhances the immune system.
If you want to achieve it, you have to believe it. By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it.
Belief makes a profound impact on the brain. When we strongly believe in the outcome of our goal, we tap into a higher sense of awareness.
Let me tell you a few more things I figured out to be true.
I figured out that I don’t have to be a specific weight to be happy. Everyone’s else’s house is not perfectly clean 100% of the time also, and it is OK, It’s OK to let other people share their opinion and not argue about it, and my life is perfect just as it is. I am enough. I have the best husband in the world, the best marriage ever and my children are amazing. All because this is what I choose to believe is true.
Take some time to think about your beliefs, about yourself, your life that you currently have, the amount of money you have, marital status, the car you drive, and how you show up in the world.
You can choose to question any belief that you want. Does that belief serve you? Does that belief help you meet your goals
I hope you guys are able to take some time this week and stop and listen and stop and think about your beliefs. Listen to your inner voice. What do you want to believe, what kind of life do you want to live? How do you want to show up in this world?
I would love to know your thoughts. Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. I would love to know what you think. If you like what you heard today, share these notes with friends.
If you want some extra help or need a cheerleader to join for a free coaching call and we can chat. Discovering your personal power is about connecting to your dreams, values, and goals. It is about letting go of the drama and trauma that has created bitterness, anger, and hurt. It is about training your brain so that you can show up in a way that is in line with your values and goals. I hope I was able to bring a little light to your life and help you have a great day while you're-charge and re-discover your personal power.
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Until we meet again, my friend